‘Nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream. When you become immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won’t be the victim of needless suffering.’ – The Four Commandments, Don Miguel Ruiz

After reading The Four Commandments a few years ago (which, by the way, I would highly recommend!), it was these words that lingered most in my mind, and, when I need reminding, still return to me even now. The concept prompted me to reflect on how other people’s words, behaviours or actions affect how I’m feeling at any given moment, despite the other person’s situation having absolutely nothing to do with me. I was forced to question; have there been times that I have ‘needlessly suffered’ negative emotions without any substantial or legitimate reason to do so?

The answer, as I surmise goes for most of us, was yes.

I know I won’t be the only one who has been in the position where someone around you, entirely unprovoked, has said something belittling or acted spitefully and you’ve instantly felt your spirit drop. They may have directed these words or actions towards you or just expressed them more generally, but either way, it can catapult you into a space of anguish and anxiety.

This immediate aftermath of their actions, that we personally experience, demonstrates just how easily we can, and do, take on other people’s energies and allow their realities to dictate our own. The feelings of humiliation, discouragement, frustration or sadness that often engulf us at these times are not our emotions to feel, and yet we allow them in with open arms.

There are countless reasons why a person may act in such a negative way (jealousy, insecurities, trauma or pain from past experiences, fears and anxieties, guilt etc) and so the provenance of their unexpected behaviour will rarely be, if ever, directly connected to you. Instead, it is the accumulation of any number of factors that have shaped their existence up to that point, and you just happen to be there too. The long and short of it, or essentially the synopsis of this post is; if it is not your fault, you do not deserve or need to suffer.

It can be easy to forget, when you’re experiencing the world from your own perspective – a world in which you are the protagonist – that everyone else is seeing things through their own eyes and is having a completely individual experience of life; you could have everything in common with another person but you still each live in your own unique reality. If we fail to realise this, we’re at risk of thinking that we are obliged to feel everything that other people feel, which is not only draining but is also completely redundant. We do not need to entirely take on other people’s emotions in order to empathise with their situations, to provide them with support or to help them through difficult times; doing so will only hinder your capacity to see the situation for what it truly is and decrease your ability to make rational decisions, not to mention how it will sabotage your own wellbeing.

It’s important to remember that you must not sacrifice your own peace and contentment simply because someone else is outwardly projecting their own reality. Take a step back and protect yourself; your happiness must be a priority.

All my love,

Lucy x