So the new year has come around and with it, inevitably, the onslaught of everyone’s ‘new year’s resolutions’, goals and strict new lifestyle regimes, all displaying exactly how they intend to be ‘better’ during our next orbit around the sun.

For as long as I can remember I have tried to use the new year as an opportunity to ditch habits that aren’t positively serving me or to kickstart a better routine, as is often the case with many people around the world. However, it wasn’t until I sat down to begin my 2019 journal that I realised the negative angle at which I have always approached the whole ‘New Year, New Me’ endeavour.

My realisation was that my focus had always been on what I’d done ‘wrong’ or where I’d ‘failed’ in the previous year, and what I was going to need to change about myself in order to improve, or more accurately, to satisfy the fabricated, idealistic image of how I thought I should be. To fulfil an image created largely by the media’s portrayal of what ‘ideal’ is. Ultimately, it was always forced change, stemming from a place of self-loathing or frustration with myself, as opposed to of transformative self-love and natural, personal growth. Self-love being the only place where genuine self-improvement can emerge. I thought I was being positive and aiming to be a better version of myself, but I can see now that it was often self-punishment in disguise. It was a way of expressing the underlying anger I had towards myself for not being the ‘perfect’ person that I thought I needed to be.

As a society, we are bombarded daily by depictions of what success is, or what beauty is, or what happiness is, but at this time of year it seems to be heightened dramatically. It’s hard to ignore the countless adverts and campaigns telling us that we need to go to the gym, count our calories or change things about ourselves in order to start the new year ‘right’. I think this is such a damaging practice as it initiates, or perpetuates, the idea that we’re not good enough as we are at any given moment. It feeds the feeling of inadequacy that, sadly, many people carry around with them simply because they can’t meet the unsustainable, and often unrealistic, standards that are plastered all over social media, in magazines and in the fashion, media and fitness industries.

Well the truth (which, when thinking rationally, we all know) is that this ‘ideal’ simply does not exist. We are striving for an imaginary finish line, and are ignoring or damaging our own wellbeing whilst we’re at it. The beauty of human beings is in our diversity; in everyone having their own skills, passions, goals, ideas, experiences and the beauty of their individuality and uniqueness. We are all exactly where and how we are supposed to be.

Now don’t get me wrong, I am of course a strong believer in continuous self-improvement; on working on yourself every day in order to live in alignment with your truth, to be the person that you want to be and to fulfil your dreams. I’m a believer in making yourself a priority in your own life. However, I believe that real, positive change can only be brought about by love and the genuine desire to move forwards on your own journey.

I completely understand the appeal of embarking on a new routine or attempting to make or break a habit when the new year begins – it’s the undeniable sweetness of a completely fresh start – and I support anyone doing so. I just want to emphasise that you don’t have to, and that is absolutely fine as well. We need to take back control of our own lives and decide for ourselves when it is right for us and when we’re ready to do things; when we’re doing them because we want to and when the change is fuelled by love and passion. If you want to make changes to yourself, your routine or your lifestyle, you have the capacity to do that at any moment. You don’t have to wait until it is a new year, or week or day; your opportunity for self-growth is boundless. You are not limited to a single day to make positive changes, and conversely, you should not be forced into doing things just because it’s the first day of the year.

Furthermore, how can you expect yourself to maintain something that you are being forced to do, albeit by yourself or by the weight of social pressure and expectation that you may be feeling, when there are hundreds of other things you could do instead? Wouldn’t it be easier to make positive, gradual changes that you actually want to do; activities or habits that you will continue to do because you are consciously choosing to do so. Change will never be sustainable or long-term if you are making it for the wrong reasons. For example, you’ll struggle to regularly exercise if you’re doing it because you hate your body, and are trying to look like the pictures you’ve seen all over Instagram. However, if you allow yourself to unconditionally love your body as it is in any form and at any time, and are grateful for everything it enables you to do, as well as how hard it works to just to keep you alive, then you may find it much easier to go on that walk or run, or to that gym or zumba or yoga class, or whatever else it is you enjoy doing, because you’re choosing to do it to look after yourself and to feel your best.

Lastly, I just wanted to mention another thing that I realised about my approach to previous new year’s as it really got me thinking, and maybe it will do the same for you. It was the realisation that when one year ends and a new one begins, I have never before taken a moment to reflect on all of the goals that I had achieved, the ways in which I had grown and the things that I had learnt over the previous 365 days. All of those aspects were completely disregarded simply because I was, for instance, still often going to bed too late or not practicing yoga as much as I wanted or not spending enough time outside etc etc, and that’s all I ever paid attention to. Just imagine how you would feel if you gave yourself the same congratulation and support for all of your achievements as you do for your friends and family. Well this year I’m doing just that and I invite you to do so too – it’s about time you gave yourself some credit! Alongside my list of intentions and goals for this new year, all carefully chosen based on how they will nurture my soul and enable me to spread more love and happiness to those around me, I wrote a list of my proudest achievements and the knowledge I have gained about myself in 2018.

So, I’ll leave you for now with some questions that I have recently been asking myself and hopefully the answers will help to guide your intentions for the upcoming days, weeks and year.

Are there things in your life that you are doing because you feel obliged to, as opposed to genuinely wanting to? Are you putting your time and energy into achieving your dreams or are you distracted by self-doubt, guilt and comparing yourself to others? Are the things that you are doing, and the goals that you are working towards, coming from a place of self-love or of self-loathing?

Look after yourself and your loved ones, this can be a really challenging time of year.

All my love,

Lucy x